Has it really been a year and a half since I last published a blog on this site?! Actually, I can believe it. It’s not because I don’t have important words of wisdom to share. It’s because my life has been a rollercoaster and I haven’t been able to find the time or the energy to write. Until now.
Update on my life
As many of my followers and patients know, my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in March of 2018. I wrote about it right before covid here and provided an update in 2023 here. Unfortunately, my husband’s cancer continued to grow despite a variety of treatments. His tumors caused a lot of complications this past winter, which he was not able to recover from. That meant he was not able to resume treatment. He went on hospice in March and three weeks later passed away. Since then I have had time to grieve, process, take care of my children, and organize my life. I have since moved my youngest to college and am now an empty nester.
During this whole process I have been thinking about ways I can use my experience to help others. I know what it’s like to need help and what is most useful. I have lived the life of a caregiver. I have had to take charge of 100% of every aspect of my life for the first time. I’ve learned so much along the way and now it’s time for me to share that with you. Over a few different posts I will do my best to provide what knowledge I have that may help those going through similar situations.
Your loved one receives a bad diagnosis. Now what?
When you find out someone you know is going through a hard time, the first instinct most of us have is to want to help. To do something. The most common thing people offer is, “let me know if there is anything I can do.” That absolutely comes from a place of love and a desire to be helpful. However, this puts the burden on the person who is suffering to reach out. Most of us who have been in this position know whom we can ask for help but often don’t know what we need at any given time. It’s always changing. I never knew what I was coming home to. Was my husband going to be up watching TV or making dinner? Or, was the house going to be dark with everyone in their rooms and the dogs not fed? Honestly, what I really needed was to clone myself. But, in the absence of cloning technology, here are a few concrete things you can do to help those in need.
- Provide days and times you can help with school drop off/pick up.
- Let your friend know you are going to the store and can drop off groceries they might need.
- Offer to make a schedule of drivers to take the patient to appointments or treatment.
- Send Instacart or food delivery app gift cards so they can order food or meals in a pinch.
- Send unsolicited treats to the house (Crumbl makes this incredibly easy).
- Set up a meal drop off schedule that has the meals planned in advance with your friend’s preferences. It can be an added stress when the person on meal duty is asking what everyone wants that day.
The best thing you can do? Simply send a text that says, “I’m thinking of you.” It’s so helpful to know you have people in your corner. To know you aren’t alone. You might not get a reply and your friend may not have the emotional energy to send an update, but they will appreciate it.
On a personal note, I would not have survived the last 6+ years, especially this past year, without the love and support of my friends and family. Furthermore, the support of my colleagues and flexibility of my staff was beyond amazing. A huge thank you to everyone who has been there for me. My kids and I are doing our best to make the most of our lives on the other side of this experience and were so fortunate to have a summer vacation together. I’m looking forward to what life has for me now. Check back for more posts about things I have learned.